if i was a robot

She didn't understand what was going on in her life. She just knew that it didn't feel right.

Everything felt lackluster and dull.

She wondered if anything exciting would ever happen in her life. She wondered why she didn't just go and make something exciting happen...make her life what she wanted it to be instead of idly waiting around for life to do whatever it is it wanted to do for her.

Her lack of passion and drive for anything scared her. She had no clue what she wanted to do or be when she grew up.

It wasn't just with math, science, and all those other academic things that she had no interest in...she really had no interest in anything. She had no motivation.

She sluggishly got through the day and sluggishly went home after school. She went on the computer, did homework, ate, showered, and then went to bed. It was getting increasingly harder to fall asleep though. Her whole boring routine was getting harder to bare.

What was happening to her? What was happening to her life?

Her life had those random good moments though...those moments where she felt like herself and thought, "This is how I used to feel. This is how I want to feel all the time." They were those moments where her smile was genuine; her laugh was real and came from deep down in her chest.

She now mainly just had those moments where she thought, "This is not how I used to feel. This is not how I want to feel all the time."

She felt lost...and all she wanted was for someone to hug her and tell her things would get better.

Walking in the hallways of school was the worst. If she was walking with friends she would feel fine...almost normal. If she was walking by herself, everything just blurred and she felt disconnected from everything.

She was never sure of anything anymore. She hoped that she would be soon though.

Until then, she could wait.

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